Deja Vu and Reentry Difficulties
“Once burned, slow to warm.”
My life has been a series of challenges. Some have broken me, literally. Those were the ones hardest to come back from, the ones where the physical pain is greater than human expectation. Luckily, I have a high tolerance for pain; unluckily, I don’t complain as much as I should so people don’t believe how badly I’m hurt. I can function adequately while under duress so I try to explain my 15-level pain scale so they understand the seriousness of the situation.
There’s something about extreme physical pain that brings out the wounded animal in me. I don’t want to see or deal with people when I’m hurt. I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want pity, and I don’t want others to see how vulnerable and exposed I feel. I’m a warrior, a mama bear, a supportive spouse, and a dependable relative and friend. People turn to me for help because of my supernatural and practical abilities. I hate to ask the same of others, so when I do, I really need the help. So you can imagine what shape I was in to spend nine months during covid trying to find a doctor to listen to me and agree to operate on me again. I had no choice.
Broken again
In April 2020, with covid forcing everyone to shelter in place at home, the loosey-goosey feeling I’d felt in the two years after my tumor removal surgery changed…
